[title subtitle=”words: Stoney Stamper images: courtesy April Stamper”][/title]
Two nights ago we almost had a disaster of apocalyptic proportions in our household. Bella the English bulldog had been getting out of the backyard lately and we didn’t know how. When she got out, she generally just laid on the front porch or in the grass in the front yard, which isn’t fenced.
My wife April and I have always been at odds over Bella. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. But she’s dumb as dirt. I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Her problem is she has no control over her overwhelming desire to chase shiny things. Reflections, lights, anything flashy. If she sees something reflecting on the wall or ceiling, she’ll lose her mind. And she’s fat and out of shape, so when she goes into these fits, she almost passes out from exertion.
Recently, something else has been getting Bella wound up like a thirteen-year-old girl at a One Direction concert. Headlights. And that’s a BAD thing, especially if you’re a fat and out of shape English Bully who can’t control your demons.
So a few nights ago, I was building a loft in my daughter’s room, when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door to two ladies and a guy. The ladies were obviously shook up, and the guy asked, “Do you have an English bulldog?” I felt like stuff was getting ready to go bad. Our daughters would be devastated. April might well go crazy. I quickly stepped outside and closed the door. I said, “Yes, we do.” One of the ladies said VERY apologetically, “Your dog just ran out in front of us. We hit it. I’m so, so, so sorry!”
Bella was chasing their damn headlights.
Then the guy said, “We didn’t run over your dog, just hit it with our bumper, and the car’s low, so we think we just knocked it out of the way.”
So I started calling for Bella, yelling, whistling. Nothing. I looked in the field and down the road. Nothing.
By that time, April had walked outside, and she’d figured out what was going on. She sat down and started bawling. Awesome. I kept hollering, but Bella was nowhere to be found. Then, I walked by the backyard fence, and when I did, I heard Bella’s gruff bark. I turned to look, only to find our grumpy, fat brindle bulldog looking at me from the back porch. Not a scratch. Not a bump. Nothing.
Thankfully, Bella is built like a tree stump. And being hit by a Honda Civic going forty mph had absolutely no effect on her. I ran over and checked her out, head to toe. She jumped up, playful, happy. Apparently having no idea she’d just had a brush with death.
By this time, our daughters had figured out something was wrong. April told them a car had hit Bella, but she was ok. She told them it was because Bella had been chasing headlights. Our daughter Emma sat thoughtfully for a moment, and then said, “That’s so weird though, cause she never chases headlights like that during the daytime.”
Let that sink in. Oh, Emma. We love you, girl. Guess I’d better be fixing some fence.
Stoney Stamper is the author of the popular parenting blog, The Daddy Diaries. He and his wife April have three daughters: Abby, Emma and Gracee. Originally from northeast Oklahoma, the Stampers now live in Tyler, Texas. For your daily dose of The Daddy Diaries, visit Stoney on Facebook or on his website, thedaddydiaries.net.
