[title subtitle=”words and images: Robb McCormick aka Some Guy Named Robb”][/title]
Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 New Living Translation (NLT)
I’ve been married for twelve years this February and I can tell you this. Nothing prepares you for marriage. The good, the bad and the whoa I barely dodged that flying plate! But I’ve picked up some wisdom along the way and here are some helpful hints you might want to use. Let me offer these to you freely.
I’m going to speak to the men (because I am one). So ladies, if you agree you can leave this on your husband’s pillow if you think he needs to read this.
As a musician, I’ve played a lot of weddings over the years and I have heard some amazing vows and promises made by both brides and grooms. My thought about marriages and how they differ from weddings is this: the wedding is the first pinnacle of your relationship together. The Beginning! The first day! The Blessed Union! Things are probably gonna seem impossibly happy (at least I hope they are) but (dum dum da-dum), after a few months, real life inevitably sets in.
And as it does, suddenly the little things start to become the big things. Suddenly you’re arguing about toilet seat lids and toothpaste squeezes. You’ve gone from doe-eyed, lovey-dovey, steamy kisses to shouting matches and long spells of uncomfortable silences. You may even be asking yourself the questions, “Did I make a mistake?” or saying, “Maybe she’s not the right one for me?”
Take a flashback moment to the second you said, “I do.” You were looking into her eyes, full of love and hope, and you truly meant it. That’s called a VOW. Now, a vow is not a promise to be taken lightly. So you might want to go back and re-read your vows. But let me tell you, overcoming this hurdle is simply a matter of perspective! That’s the word for the day, kiddos, Perspective! Here are some questions to help re-evaluate yours.
1- Is she your treasure?
I mean, is she? Is she really? Is she the sunshine to your day? Yes? Excellent!
Now, does SHE know it? I know you know it, but does SHE know it?
- Do you ever just get her flowers because it’s Tuesday?
- Do you ever get up from the couch and say, “Can I get you something to drink?”
- Do you ever open her door for her?
- Do you have a life insurance policy to take care of her if something happens to you?
- Do you ever see her walk by and say in a New Jersey accent, “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”?
- Do you still flirt with her? WELL YOU SHOULD!
2- Do you remember what it was like before you were married?
- When you were so crazy about her and you couldn’t keep your eyes off her?
- When you would call her machine just to hear her
- voice message?
- When you thought/texted/flirted/vied for/wanted and needed her?
OK, well listen closely, you need to remember those times. You can’t go back, but I guarantee you can move forward to an even better place. Those times are your reference point and proof that you guys know how to have fun together. Let these steps guide the way.
3-Let her know!
Got a minute free at work? Call her. Can’t talk right now? Text her. She needs to know you are thinking about her and YOU need to be the communicator.
Call me old fashioned, but I believe the man needs to pursue (in a healthy way, no stalking) his beloved. And that INCLUDES after the courting and after the wedding.
What did you first find amazing about your wife? Well, guess what? Chances are, it hasn’t changed. She’s probably even grown more amazing in different ways. Find HONEST things to compliment her about. Women are often like flowers in that they bloom best when given light and air. Let your honesty be the light and let your sincerity be the air. She will bloom and when she does, it will be for you.
4-Surprise her!
Married life becomes mundane and boring because WE let it! SURPRISE HER! Who knows your spouse better than you? (Hopefully, no one.) So what does she like? Does she like to go out? Take her out. Get a babysitter and head out of town for the weekend. Don’t have money? (Don’t get me started on this.) If she is your treasure, then put your money where your treasure is.
Quick tips for men whose excuse is “I can’t afford it”:
First of all, YES YOU CAN!
A) If you smoke, stop smoking (better for health, save lots of money). The money you save will be immediate and you can take her some place amazing.
B) If you buy video games, skip buying one and treat her to something that she would like. Maybe a spa day or movie night.
C) Keep a change jar and put all your money from your pockets in there. Within a month, you’d be surprised how much you might have.
OK, but let’s say you’re paying off debt and you really can’t afford it. NO PROBLEM! Because there are tons of events for free that you can take her to! Find a coffee shop where musicians play for free. Our state parks often host movie nights for free. Just walking around on top of Mt. Nebo at sunset is gorgeous. The more CREATIVE the better. Because it tells her you’ve been spending your time thinking of her!
But here’s the thing, whatever you do, make HER the focus for the evening. Put away your cell phone and put away your work stresses and worries. Focus on her and she will, in turn, focus on you.
Trust me on this. And heed my warning, men. If you don’t do these things you run the risk of someone else doing these things. Your bride deserves attention from her husband. Give it to her and you’ll see.
For more of Robb’s insights into life and marriage, visit sgnrobb.wordpress.com.
